Brookline Girl
written 11-7-99
Gets off the train It’s okay But it’s the same apartment That it was yesterday She flips on The TV And she eats all alone With it for company Life’s pretty tough For a Brookline girl Trying to make it by herself In this big, cruel world She’s running fast But she’s running all alone Trying to find a place Inside she can call home Well he ran away Ten months ago Said they’d be friends But that was just for show Still she remembers His face Even though he’s gone He still won’t leave this place Life’s pretty tough For a Brookline girl Trying to make it by herself In this big, cruel world She’s running fast But she’s running all alone Trying to find a place Inside she can call home She makes it by on the comfort of friends Her Mom calls her up from Detox again She wanders through the city, alone in the rain Wonders if she can make it and still stay sane So she takes A college course Trying to better herself So she won’t get worse And she smiles At the mirror The once-muddy life Is becoming clearer Life’s pretty tough But that’s all right She knows that she’s Pretty tough inside Life’s pretty tough For a Brookline girl Trying to make it by herself In this big, cruel world She’s running fast But she’s running all alone Trying to find a place Inside she can call home
No face: swatches in silhouette eyes peering from the darkness of an alleyway alit in the soft glow of the arc-sodium streetlights above there is a small noise from behing and he sees the helpless wreck of a dog shivering and dripping with rainwater of a previous storm he sees but does not he seems to notice a snarl and a carnivorous look in its eyes and its claws are razors aren’t they? Are they? So from within his trenchcoat he brings the cleaver its blade so clean he approaches the dog and the dog stands its ground is it growling or whimpering no matter with one swift maneuver the dog is Gone in a lake of maroon looking down he seems to recall the pretty young girl he had seen by the side of the road shaking and scared thumb jutting out to catch the attention of passing automobiles he had allowed her into the passenger seat of his depressing beige Buick he had allowed her to smoke her cigarette its glow in the darkness jumping and quivering and when she had tossed it out the window he had stopped …Stopped… she had no face at the end he had sent her into the storm Forever he can not remember the others All of the others; so many He stands for awhile and begins to walk from the alley under the arc-sodiums
The Fast Food Highways of America
2/22/98
The Fast-Food Highways of America:
my country tis of thee
I give my soul to the Golden Arches
living within Dairy Queens
and Burger Kings
aching, killing
lovely lovely French fries
and the rocket’s red glare
strawberry shakes and the
hot tar of summer
bless me, hamburger
and praise be to that
pigtailed girl we all know as
Wendy
shops and stops
eating eating I can’t stop eating
Subway and Arby’s and Hardee’s
and more
spill onto the floor in
a waste
I can taste
the element of disgrace
and my face
opens up
like a maw
in the floor
there’s a door
I explore
I am an apple-pie
whore
and I can’t stop can’t
stop stop stop stop
but it smells so
good the hot greasy
food and I’d stop if
I could but I can’t
and why should I
it’s not as if I’m
obese at the least
I am pudgy I can’t
help but wonder
as I drag myself under
if chocolate
or vanilla
or coffee
or what
I want to believe
or get some reprieve
from this gnawing
unearthly need
I can’t stop
I can’t stop
and I don’t know if
I want to
I am the king of delight I am all bark and no bite if you come over you’ll see I’m red rover and I’ll thrill you and fill all your night I am the king of despair unlike most, I haven’t a care but you set me free come on and see me and I’ll thrill you with peppermints there I am the king of deceit toll it up and get a receipt after I thrill you why, I’ll have to kill you gorry, now won’t that be neat?
Thickets
11-03-00
Remember:
when we would run through the woods
the thickets in the night
you’d laugh and I’d catch you
we’d make love under the stars
You seem to be slipping away now
come back to me
I didn’t mean to hurt you this way
don’t cry, please don’t cry
Remember:
the moon shone down
and your hair like spun silver
upon the pillow of the earth
and your light breath tickling my neck
Your breath isn’t light now
you’re crying too hard
stay with me
please don’t yell, don’t yell
Remember:
nights at home
I’d build in the basement
you’d sing in the shower
we’d talk of our day
I’ve finished the basement now
do you like it?
I made it myself out of
wood and steel
yes, this is real
But remember:
remember, for God’s sake:
how we’d sing and we’d dance
how we’d go to shows
how we’d work and play
now, where are those moments
where are those times
who can say, who can say?
God, I need you so much
I need every part of you
but you don’t, you don’t
if you’d just stop screaming
I’d stop cutting things off
Stop; remember
the thickets of night
in that long-ago dream
remember the Holy Day
when your Father
gave you away
he gave you me
why can’t you see
that the parts of your whole
are now mine to control
Okay, don’t:
please, you’re fading again
I know it hurts
I know what hurt is
come back to me
come on come on
there you go
there you are
your eyes are glassy
so far away
Remember
remember with me
Beaches
Towns
I love you I love you
Cities
long drives
we once had a dog
but he had no name
so we called him Dog
remember that?
wake up bitch!
wake up you numb bitch and
remember with me
Yes it hurts, so you’ve said
I can do worse
maybe you shouldn’t
have tried to deceive me
tried to love others
how many
just one?
did you even consider
my feelings in this?
did you ever think
you’d be
fellating a gun
oh come on now
remember the good times we had
let’s not dwell on the past
let’s not think of the bad
let’s fervently hold to the dreams of
the young
let’s look back
shut up or I’ll cut out your tongue
let’s drift back in time
when our love was so new
back before I had to
demoralize you
please don’t cry
please don’t cry
no, I won’t let you die
let’s remember
let’s think back
those summer night skies
those nights in July
stop, you’re gagging again
I love you I do
I need you with me
remember, remember
so young and so free
remember the cruises
the candy the films
the love and the joy
the flowers and fur
remember, no come back!
no don’t die, don’t leave
No, remember
no wait,
Oh God
you’re not her